February 2012
2 posts
February 13, 2012
(to her BFF)
Pipes: She’s a really good singer.
Me: thank you! ( as I Madonna-skipped into the room singing Like-a-Prayer)
Pipes: Not you. Stop it.
February 11, 2012
“Mom? is it ok if I dress more like Madonna?”
December 2011
4 posts
December 21, 2011 (also)
“She just gets on my nerbs sometimes.”
December 21, 2011
“Mom? What’s a ‘toker’? Like a ‘midnight toker’?”
(so I told her)
December 20, 2011
“I don’t like babies staring at me. It creeps me out.”
December 15, 2011
“I’m thriving.”
(just an announcement as she walked into the room holding the scotch tape.)
October 2011
3 posts
October 19, 2011
Pipes: I wish I could have met Uncle Bobby.
Me: Aw, me too.
Pipes: You already met him. He was your brother.
(smart ass)
October 8, 2011
“You’re the best mom in the world, even though you are a crack in my butt.”
October 8, 2011
“It’s like there’s a loose tooth in there. Close your eyes, Mom. You’re not going to want to see this. It’s a big one.”
-said with her finger jammed up her nose.
September 2011
6 posts
September 28, 2011
“It looks like a lighthouse on an island surrounded by water which is actually pee.”
-Staring into the toilet bowl at her towered creation.
September 17, 2011
“I’m drawing a little girl with hair that’s longer than Crystal Gayle’s”
September 17, 2011
“It is NOT cool to say mean things* to little girls.”
*’knock it off, ellery’
September 5, 2011
“Get out of my mouth. The Tooth Museum is closed.”
September 1, 2011
“He’s scared of me and he smells like burritos.”
Talking about one of her former and soon to be current classmates.
August 30, 2011
Ellery’s Friend, Ava: Why is he doing that?
Pipes: I think he’s mad because he’s white and he used to be black.
Watching Michael Jackson’s Black or White video. The extended dance scene at the end shows Michael beating the snot out of a car and some windows in a Skid Row type downtown scene (littered with newspapers!) with all sorts of racist messages like “KKK...
August 2011
6 posts
August 26, 2011
*FART*
“That reminds me of Dad.”
August 24, 2011
“Yes they do.”
(Quietly responding to Robert Smith singing Boys Don’t Cry)
August 21, 2011
“I’m going to miss you so much.”
(*FART*)
“That was a friendship fart. Because I love you.”
August 10, 2011
“Mom, this is like rubber. Your butt cheeks have no muscle. Mine do, though.”
(this of course, while she was slapping my ass.)
August 9, 2011
Pipes: I’m going home to play with a friend.
Me: What friend?
Pipes: My friend the T.V.
August 9, 2011
“Mom, you look really pretty. And that comes with a smile,” she said smiling at me.
July 2011
9 posts
July 30, 2011
“Do you know what that was? It was the Click of Adventure.”
(Pipes reported after I snapped on my bike helmet.)
July 27, 2011
“I think I want to keep my hair short like this while I’m a kid. When I’m a teenager, I want it long. When I’m a grown up, I’ll dye it yellow and maybe still have it long. When I’m old, it’ll be gray. And then when I’m dead….it will still be gray.”
July 17, 2011
“I’m not complaining, I’m just wishing.”
(she’s complaining.)
July 17, 2011
“I am NOT going to softball today. It’s raining. It’s pouring. The old man is snoring.”
(said like she was doing a Christopher Walken impersonation.)
July 16, 2011
“Mom, everyone has a dream. Everyone. Even this onion.”
July 13, 2011
“I’m not getting dressed right now. I have a lot of work to do. Lots of work. To do.”
July 8, 2011
“Mom, do you know how to type ‘Dark Balls’?”
July 7, 2011
“We’ve had these weeds for a LAWN time. Get it? LAWN?”
July 6, 2011
“I promise not to act like a teenager. I’ll still be funny. Teenagers don’t know how to be funny and I am funny.”
June 2011
2 posts
June 22, 2011
“Yeah. It scared the crap out of me, too.”
(I didn’t know the ipod volume was turned up all the way.)
June 10, 2011
“Mom, I made Lucas a shirt out of your underwear.”
May 2011
5 posts
May 27, 2011
This convo went down in the front yard while Pipes and her friend, Bella were looking for a buried treasure.
Pipes: Keep digging, Bro.
Me: Did you just call her ‘Bro’?
Bella: Yeah. It means “friend” in rock and roll.
May 17, 2011
Pipes gets out of bed to tell me this:
“Mom? I had my night light on? And then I turned it off and then I turned it on and then it went off, but it came on again and then it went off and it came on and then I turned it off and then I turned it on and it went on and then it went off.”
May 5, 2011
To her friend:
“I think you and me are the only kids in kindergarten who can beat box.”
May 4, 2011
Dad: It’s like when we are in a hurry and we ask you to get ready you actually move slower.
Pipes: Dad, I am just not as fast as you think I am.
May 2, 2011
Conversation from the backseat…
Pipes: Mom. Hey mom. How would you like a new exercise?
Me: Huh?
Pipes: Dad could park the car here and we could jog to Jack in the Box.
April 2011
7 posts
april 27, 2011
(with her index finger pointed in the air)
“Rule number 32: Never leave the bathroom when Ellery is putting lipstick on.”
april 25, 2011
“Oh! Are we going?”
(when I told Pipe’s that Prince William was getting married later this week.)
april 24, 2011
“I knew you before I was born. I knew you when I was inside your tummy. I knew you were smart and I knew you were big and I knew I loved you.”
(!!!!)
april 20, 2011
“Ok. Can we just get on with the cuddling now?”
April 18, 2011
“And then you met Dad and you wanted to marry him instead?”
In the middle of a discussion about Adam Ant.
April 10, 2011
This is Pipes in her room playing Barbies.
She’s got the two teenage Barbies getting ready for prom. They get in the Barbiemobile to go get some more guests for the dance. I am playing the part of the Barbie mom.
Teenage Barbie: Mom! Mom! Can we take the car to get some boys for the dance?
Barbie Mom: Well, where are you going to get the boys from and when will you be home?
Teenage...
April 4, 2011
“I don’t judge a dog by how bad it smells or how little it is.”
March 2011
3 posts
March 31, 2011
“There’s rebels? Where’s their base?”
March 31, 2011
“Will you turn this up please? It sounds interesting.”
-listening to the news that the CIA has placed operatives on the ground in Libya.
March 8, 2011
“That’s some hot pee there.”
February 2011
13 posts
February 26, 2011
“Funraiser? Well it’s no fun for me.”
(feeling kinda sad that she couldn’t come with me and her dad to the school auction.)
February 20, 2011
“Which Barbie farted?”
2 quotes. 1 grumpy mom.
“Stop complaining, stop picking your nose and eat your breakfast.”
“If you can’t follow directions and be a good listener today, there will be no She-Ra this weekend. No She-Ra at all.”
(I can’t believe I said these things.)